Today during a secret Republican National Committee meeting: Chair Reince Priebus admitted that the GOP has been “a bunch of assholes” for decades now.
Priebus said that “Republicans had been paid by corporations to destroy America and that getting rich was more important than preserving this nation. If the GOP had not done this: then someone else would have.”
“Besides”, continued Priebus: “voters are too stupid and ignorant to know the difference.”
A number of other ranking Republicans (Bobby Jindal, Jeb Bush, and Paul Ryan) chimed in that they wanted to feel bad for the harm and damage that they had done, but most were giddy with the vast amounts of wealth that they were accumulating and none would do anything different in retrospect.
At that point in the conference call: there was some remorse about not declaring war on Mexico from Trump’s representative who was then given a sharp elbow from Ted Cruz who then reminded everyone that the Democrats were starting to muscle in on the crimes also, taking some of the corporate profits away from the patriotic Republicans. “There just aren’t enough millions to go around” agreed Mitch McConnell.
No sooner did Cruz and McConnell finish their rage on Democrats than Rick Santorum had to (loudly) point out that Democrats are a bunch of n******* (derogatory term) loving f****** (derogatory term) and that according to the bible: none of whom would ever get a damn job. Mitt Romney nodded his approval and remarked how “47% of voters were n******* (derogatory term) loving f*****.and that is why we got a commie socialist Kenyan screwing up the nation”. This last comment got a standing ovation from Mike Huckabee, the Klansmen from CPAC and the NRA delegation who began wildly firing into the air destroying a number of hotel light fixtures in the process.
Unfortunately my phone was destroyed by the falling debris from the shooting: so the recording was lost, but one can simply watch the GOP debates, statements, commercials, and comments from these Patriots to see evidence that this is precisely how they feel about our nation and the people living in it.
John Boehner wept at the sound of gunfire. “It would only make me happier if it were cops shooting live ammo into undesirables” he lamented. Marco Rubio patted John on the shoulder and reminded him that “Florida is a stand your ground state, John. Come visit and shoot anyone who makes you feel ill at ease”. Rand Paul nodded approval and said: “once we deregulate, you wont need carry permits anymore. None of this having to make up excuses crap, just like the wild west…. reach for the sky pawdnuh bang, boom bang”.
The event continued on with John McCain declaring war on the Middle East (except Israel).
Sarah Palin demanded the immediate nuking of South Korea shouting: “we gotta stand by our North Korean allies” while throwing a sly wink at Dennis Rodman who did not notice as he was too (ahem) “busy” with Bristol Palin sitting on his lap to take note of the proceedings.
Absent was Newt Gingrich who was hiding from his posse of former wives.
Also absent were Rick Perry and Chris Christie who are both still in prison serving 15 to life sentences for domestic terrorism and abuse of power convictions.
Another noteworthy absence: Clint Eastwood was at the hotel, but had struck up a lengthy conversation with a duvet in his senior-discount suite; and his assistant (a portly, scantily-clad, and hairy ginger with a crass demeanor) was too busy pillaging and flinging the hors d’eovres to remind Clint of the event start time.
Michelle Bachmann’s therapist did not give her a pass to attend, he felt that she still had too many issues to “work through” however with the White Supremacist gay bashers in attendance: homophobes were still well represented.
While this might not be EXACTLY how it happened: it is as close as my recollection will allow. Blame the NRA shooting spree for the pieces of ceiling and chandelier that fell on my recording device and broke it, since that would have made this a video instead of a written blog.